Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Love

We were never close. I’m two years younger. But we grew up together. I never admitted that I was jealous of her prettiness, her devil-may-care attitude. I took solace in the fact that I was much more intelligent. All through our childhood we only laughed at stupid things we thought our parents said or did. We barely cared beyond what Grandma was making for lunch. Today she told me that she was getting married. I knew that she’d been talking to some guy from Australia. He is coming to visit her in a few weeks. If all went well, they would get engaged by mid-September.

I almost choked at that message. I’ve been to a million weddings. My family specialized in being part of one every year. But it has never been someone I’ve grown up with. We’ve devoured Kulfis in frilly frocks. We’ve attended family functions and secretly laughed at everyone. We’ve stealthily shared a smoke after a few beers. And now, she is ready to change her life.

It would have been okay if I’d known her closely. I’d have made natural progress in accepting her decision to ‘settle down’. Now it just hit me out of the blue. And she said she needed me there. I’m oscillating between feeling bad at not maintaining contact with her and feeling blue that people are going to peer at me, armed with the ridiculous ‘You’re next’ gleeful smiles.

I’ll never be close to her. I’m never going to maintain contact. But I do love her. I wish I knew what to wear for her engagement.